LAWD, sometimes GOD has me ROTFL.

Me: Something creative pops in my mind, so I start implementing it. (I know its GOD). Then I realize what GOD has me working on, I ask. "What are you about to do?"

GOD: "Turn the world upside down."

I'm sorry. Y'all might not get it. You may not think that was funny. You probably had to be there for the entire conversation. But this Creator I serve knows how to turn a stressful, uncertain situation into laughter. How can you say no to a person like that? A person who keeps a smile on your face, joy in your heart, puts a pep in your step, and then asks you to go do something crazy.

NOBODY but GOD can pull it off, especially with me. GOD-IS-GOOD. There is nothing I wouldn't do for HIM. Alright, here we go again. HE is about to turn up the fire once again. ALRIGHT.
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​As I mentioned before, Satan went on the attack on my body trying to hinder this WORD of the LORD from getting out. I was out of it for at least a day and a half. But as you can see. He was not able to prevent GOD from speaking through HIS servant. So, let's talk about this spirit of resentment that I mentioned the other day. 
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​I have not shared content from my first book in a minute. Many of you are familiar with my first book. In case you are not. In the table below is a list of books I have written and released or am currently working on.
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​At any rate, I explained before. The other day, a familiar old spirit was trying to rise up in me. I won’t go into detail about what happened that was trying to cause this old spirit to trigger within me. But let’s just say, someone, I am very close to did something that disappointed and hurt my feelings recently. In my efforts to try to deal with my emotions, I was improperly tending to my emotional needs and reactions to the situation. As a result, I was slowly unaware that I was beginning to feel feelings of resentment toward this person. These were the same emotions I carried toward this person for years because of something this individual did to me that caused me a great deal of shame and pain, and I really have never gotten any real closure from this person. The guilty will never admit their wrong or the role they played in your brokenness. And yet this same individual expects you to carry on the burden they have caused you. This leads me to an excerpt that I wrote in my first released book – Surrendering. Let me say this before I quote what was in this book. We have to remember, that the devil has schemes. Schemes that he uses against us in order to steal, kill, and destroy everything about us. (Compare to Ephesians 6:11; John 10:10). 
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The devil never gives up on us. He will use the same tactics and often time the same people to try to provoke a certain response, behavior, or action from us. For if we respond in the way Satan wants us to, then he can turn to GOD in heaven and declare. “See, I told you. She hasn’t changed.” In turn, he can blind-sight us and hinder our forward progress or prevent GOD from giving us some promotion, blessing, or elevation HE desires to give us.

And that’s what Satan was trying to do in my life this past week through an individual who has caused me a great of pain over the years. I spent years hating this person. Going out of my way to avoid being in the presence of this person for years. I resented everything there was about this person and the things this person had done to me.
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But after writing my first book. GOD opened my eyes as well as my heart to things I just didn’t know or understand. GOD spoke to my heart and took me to the edge of my own cliff. And gave me some choices that I did not even know I had. GOD spent hours with me explaining and showing me things that only this person and a select few would have known. GOD allowed me to travel in this person’s past as well as mine to understand things about our cultural differences that created the nature of the person that this person had become. GOD showed me this individual’s heart and their own brokenness, which made me feel ashamed to feel the way I was. But in it all, GOD was dealing with me and my own brokenness, resentment, hatred, and developing unforgiving spirit. And I talked about this journey in my first book. That I want to share with you guys today. Especially with those who are not familiar with my story. 
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Y’all know I try to be very transparent on here although I love my privacy. You got to know me well and how GOD is using and moving in and through me to fully understand my story and why I share the things I share on social media.
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But this thing right here. That spirit of resentment had gotten so bad in me that it had taken over my soul, leaving no room for my spirit to grow and prosper. I was content with living in my own mess. Initially, it wasn’t a mess that I created for myself. It was brought on by the messy lives that others around me lived and I was directly affected and influenced by it. But at some point, I conformed and adopted the ways and the spirit of others which led me to a very dark place for many years. And once I was in it, I really did not know how to free myself or get out of it. Hence, this eventually led to my book Surrendering. Just to give you an idea of how bad this spirit of resentment was in me, it took me three chapters in my book to explain it all. So, I need to pull an excerpt from all three chapters. At any rate, in this excerpt that is taken from my book – well, let my book speak for itself, and then I will close out with a few words of my own. 
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Excerpts are taken from chapters 7 through 9.

CHAPTER 7 – NO MERCY: RELIGIOUS LEADERS ARE FAILING TO EXTEND GOD’S GRACE AND MERCY
“… When your life is filled with so much pain and hurt, it is sometimes hard to look beyond your current circumstance. For some of us, we begin to believe this is all life is meant to be, plagued with anger, discord, malice, resentment, and a lack of love. If we let it, we allow our hearts to become darkened and filled with self-hatred, bitterness, and anger. This will not only keep us from forgiving others for their offenses against us, but we also fail to forgive ourselves, and we fail to heal from our past. As a result, we learn to live life from one emotional struggle to the next. Oftentimes, we connect with people who are just as broken as we are, which prolongs our healing process….”

CHAPTER 8 – LETTING GO OF ALL ANGER, RESENTMENT, AND BITTERNESS
“… When you refuse to let go of your anger, bitterness, or resentment, whether you are conscious of it or not, you are making a choice not to reflect the godly image, in which you were created. Instead, you choose to serve and give power, your power of free will, to the god of this world (2 Corinthians 4:4). Remember, no darkness dwells in God (1 John 1:5). Therefore, we must not allow anything dark to dwell within us. This is why it is so critical that we learn to forgive and not hold onto resentment, bitterness, or anger. Daniel 9:9 says, “God is merciful and forgiving.” Mark 11:25 encourages us not to “hold anything against anyone.” Instead, “forgive them.” Why? “So that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins.” He even gives explicit instructions concerning resentment, bitterness, and anger. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV), it says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” If that is not enough to convince you, read Ephesians 4:31 which says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

For years, I struggled with this. In my heart, I had convinced myself that these Scriptures could not apply to me regarding those who purposely violated me. There was no way God could expect me to forgive or let go of any anger I rightfully held against my abusers. However, when you read Mark 11:25 and compare that verse with almost all Bible translations, the word any or anyone appears. So, let’s look at the verse again, it says, “if you hold anything against anyone….” Therefore, I had to decide to forgive and let go of all resentment, bitterness, and anger, I had been harboring against certain individuals. Does forgiving and letting go of the hurt mean that my abusers are free from consequences for their wrongdoing? Certainly not! They have to answer to God for their sins. However, by letting go of the negative energy that I had been entertaining, God could freely forgive me and heal me from my emotionally damaged state (Ephesians 4:24). By doing this, God could now exercise rightful judgment on my behalf (Romans 12:17-21; Hebrews 10:30).

You, too, must learn to let go of all anger, resentment, and bitterness. First and foremost, pray to God for His help on the matter. Once you have mastered this, then learn to pray for your abuser(s) —those who have violated you emotionally or physically. If you are holding onto resentment toward your mother or father, because they failed to protect you from your abuser or they were the abuser, pray and pray and pray about it, until you receive some level of peace on the issue. Pray to God that He will deal with your parent or parents’ hearts and minds and that they would acknowledge their mistakes and failures.  Pray they may one day repent and seek God for forgiveness. Pray that one day, they will ask for your forgiveness, as well.

The best thing I ever did for myself, during my healing process, was to let go of all my anger, resentment, and bitterness and give it to God (Proverbs 3:5-6) ….”

CHAPTER 9 – FORGIVING OTHERS AND MYSELF
“… I will admit the process is not always easy in the beginning. For some, this process may happen very quickly. While for others, it may take a while. I have to be honest; I did not know how deeply embedded the spirit of unforgiveness was within me until I wrote this book. This book is not just for you, it is for me also.

Take my life for instance. Although I had finally jumped a major hurdle in my life, my scars were still deeply rooted. I did not realize how my past experiences had impacted me even today. It influenced how I responded and reacted to every mistreatment or injustice; I encountered in life. Unbeknown to me, I had developed an unforgiving spirit, stemming from the years of abuse I had endured. When anyone caused me harm, I retreated. I placed as much distance as possible between myself and that person. I isolated myself. I reinforced my already impenetrable and invisible walls, as a way to shield myself from additional assaults from that person. In addition to shielding myself from that person, I naturally shut everyone else out. That one person’s unloving reaction triggered a chain reaction, deeply rooted inside of me. It brought out many of my vulnerabilities and insecurities. Immediately, I, unconsciously, labeled that person as untrustworthy, and I sentenced them to a lifetime of banishment. My heart had hardened and became inflexible, unwilling to forgive them for the harm, discomfort, and pain they caused me.
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The unforgiving cancer had spread throughout my entire spirit, yet I could not see it. I could not see how my past pain was still affecting my life, more than three decades later. But the incident with the pastor’s wife opened my eyes. Yes, that sister was out of place. I am sure the way she came into the meeting, with her subtle accusations and judgmental spirit, was not of God. For a moment, she behaved not in the spirit, but in her flesh. But even though I was unaware of it at the time, it was at that moment that she likely saved my life. If I had persisted along the path of unforgiveness, it would have, eventually, made me a resentful person. That resentment would have turned into bitterness. Ultimately, that bitterness would have turned me away from God’s people and probably away from God, once and for all….”
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Harboring any form and level of resentment is not only not healthy but dangerous. It is genocide to your soul. When we choose to carry such a spirit, you are slowly poisoning yourself and everyone that is connected to you. This type of spirit is like a slow drip from an IV bag. The rate and amount of fluid flowing from an IV bag deliver critical medications, or vitamins directly into our veins, our circulatory system. The purpose of this intravenous treatment is to get the nutrition your body needs to it as quickly as possible so that you can regain your strength, and energy and become healthy once again.

This spirit of resentment acts no different than an IV bag except. It attaches itself to our bodies and acts in reverse by draining us of every vital mineral, vitamin, electrolyte, and nutrient our bodies need to function and live. In fact, once it's done sucking every critical structure of our circulatory system, it turns its attention to our vital organs to destroy them. And then finally, it begins to drain our blood dry. And what it leaves behind is just a skeleton of the person we use to be or what we could have become. It leaves you feeling hopeless and swollen you up and leaving you to feel trapped in an isolated world where no one knows who you are or that you even exist. There is literally no way out once you end up in this dead world of resentment. There is no light, no smell, no visual aids, no communication. Just emptiness. Complete darkness.
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But even in that place, GOD can still come and see about you. HE can still reach you. HE still can mode you in HIS hands and touch your heart and revive your spirit. IF YOU LET HIM. HE can turn it around and pull you out of the mire of your stank. HE can make you whole again and free you from yourself, your enemies, those who harmed you, those who threw you in your pit, and from the strong hands of that devil. But the key is – YOU GOT TO LET HIM TOUCH THAT SORE SPOT OF YOURS. You got to allow HIM to deal with – uncover and reveal to you your pain. Then you must allow HIM to take you through HIS process of healing. Otherwise, that spirit of resentment will beat you up so bad that HELL will be your only coming victory. 

​DEITRICK HADDON - HAVE YOUR WAY
I know how some of y’all feel about Deitrick Haddon, which is cool with me AND I ain't arguing some of those things (and I ain't sure how he is living now). BUT here is a fact what his music did for me during one of the darkest points in my life when I was trying to stay committed to my decision to not just be homosexually free, but sexually free!

HAVE YOUR WAY I played A LOT!! I mean a lot. And it got me through some messy days in my life. That’s a fact!
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Sometimes we need not look at how the artist is living his or her life. I mean, it’s important to consider these things in some situations. But sometimes, it may not need to be the most important thing if you find his or her music is truly helping you to NOT SIN. AND forget what some folks think. Play it and play it loud. Deitrick’s track certainly helped me! So, FIND YOUR MUSIC OR THAT ONE SONG. And repeat it often and rock it. Of course, along with prayer and you will see in time the difference IT WILL MAKE. This track for me with it's R&B feel was my worship & praise song back in the day when I needed it. And let me add. Did you notice the subtitle of his album - RESTORING EVERYTHING DAMAGED? Do I need to say anything more?

... I became a target. Many refuse to believe that GOD can change you or I should say change a person who has lived a homosexual life; nor believe a person can maintain it....  To read more, click here.

JESUS! LOOK AT GOD. All I went into my local Walmart for was to see if I could get my glasses repaired that broke while I was at church last Sunday. They couldn't fix it so I went to pick up one other item I needed and forgot to get some plantains and green tomatoes. Of course, I forgot because I parked on the opposite side of the store than I usually do because of what I mainly needed. So lo and behold by the time I realized it, I was already down the road some. Now usually I won't turn around for something like that. It can wait until the next time right. But that SOMETHING made me turn my car around. I'm slow, so I certainly didn't see what GOD was about to do. At any rate, I head back to Walmart and parked on the usual side I park. Grabbed 4 plantains and 2 packs of green tomatoes. And then headed to the self-check out lanes. I still didn't pick up on what GOD was doing. And to my surprise I see this young man who works in Walmart working the self-check out. I've had quite a few conversations with him and even told him how much GOD LOVES him and given him a hug, which caught the attention of many in Walmart. He held onto me for a long time and wouldn't let go. At any rate, while he is helping a customer with a problem at the register. I hear something I should say to him in my spirit. But, I didn't think he would finish helping the customer he was assisting before I was done ringing up my items. BUT LO AND BEHOLD - BUT GOD. The young man finishes up right at the same time as I do. So, I said to him softly what I heard in my spirit and he bursts out laughing. This eventually leads him to say to me. That things wasn't going good for him - his life was a mess. I hesitated because I really wasn't sure how I wanted or needed to respond in his case. But I felt I should, I needed to give him my private number. So, I did.

Praise Jah! HE is moving. We as followers of Christ must be willing to follow HIS lead WITHOUT our assumptions, pride, prejudices, or biases.
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GOD fix whatever has been broken and is broken in him. Let him be opened and receptive to what YOU want to do in his life - AMEN.

GOD certainly works in amazing ways. I had no intentions going out my way to a bookstore to find a certain book I lost. It would have been just as easy and cheaper to go onto Amazon and reorder the book. But SOMETHING (yall know who that is) made me come all the way across the border to search for this book.

But sometimes it's not about you and what you have misplaced. It's about introducing a new way of living to someone else. Even when they don't know they need a change in direction.
I met a young lady who works in this bookstore that I had a pleasant interaction with. At some point, before leaving the store, I noticed she had on a badge that said "He/They". I was confused by her tag and started to walk away. But SOMETHING jerk me back and the next thing I knew, I heard myself asking her. "What does that mean - He/They?" She smiled at me with this big smile and explains the meaning and then said 'I'm a trans.' I was shocked because I wouldn't known if she didn't tell me. So, yall know what I did next right?

Now, I knew why I was so determined to come out my way to this particular bookstore. I wasn't looking for my book I lost. GOD has sent me out here on a mission. To share the gospel with this young lady. So, yes I did, I offered her my book at no cost.
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I'm telling you. The situations, unexpected situations GOD has been placing me in within the LGBT community to speak HIS heart, HIS love for them, and HIS desire for them to be free. Free from a lifestyle that has gripped them not because that's who they are. But there is a trigger that they have not faced that has locked them into that life. GOD is swinging open the doors on both side (between the LGBT community and the church). Not to be combative but to show them GOD - an uncompromising GOD. And I am willing to step into that space, that world to grab hold, to stand in the gap, to pray, to walk with and through with anyone who wants to be set free. Praise Jah! May that young lady I met today be blessed. And may GOD begin to do a work in her. Amen.

Newford Publishing Co.

We have a limited number of books available for free. Contact our publisher representative at info@newfordministries.org. ​