opened wounds

Photo CR: Brain Director, Erika Harston Noll, Healthy Remedies, Lake House Recovery Center, Lauren McNeill, Peter Steinberg, Phoebe Brown, Working Women

​I think I need to quote a passage from my first book to make the point that has been brewing in my spirit since Friday, November 26. I have prayed into this thing and even tried to ignore it. But now, I feel compelled not only to speak truth and correction into this situation. But also life. For God is about to once again visit every household to shake its foundation. And in this shaking, we are either going to find ourselves shielded and protected from the things that are about to befall each household because we are His and in right standing with the LORD. Or, we will find ourselves and our household is shaken in dismay and disarray because we either are not His or we thought we were okay – in good standing with God when we actually were not. Matthew chapter 3, verses 8 through 10 explains this better than I can. So, let’s read. This is John the Baptist speaking to the Pharisees and Sadducees, who thought they were God’s chosen leaders and in good standing with the LORD. John said,
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​Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God…. (Matthew 3:8) 
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Let me stop right there for a moment. And let’s bring this verse to modern time so we don’t miss this point. Many of us who call ourselves leaders have a past. A past that we are not too proud of. If we could bury it and wipe it from our own memories and the memories of others, we would. For example, and I have to say it this way to ensure, the persons I am speaking to tonight don’t miss this point. Because the LORD is speaking to specific people today that I am not going to call by name. But I am aware of who they are.

For some of us leaders, whether female or male. The cleanest way I can say this is we were fast. (You can choose whatever alternative words you want to substitute there to drive home the point). We had multiple partners that we slept with. And thank God, many of us got our acts together and stopped sleeping around. Some of us got married to wonderful wives or husbands. While others might have chosen to remain single for a season while practicing abstinence. Allowing us to present ourselves holy in this regard before a holy God (1 Corinthians 6:11).

Now, in the minds of some of you. Because you have stopped performing unclean and unholy sexual acts or running the streets as some of you call it. You absolutely feel that you are officially now in right standing with God. Very little else is required of you because you have been delivered from sexual sins.
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But tonight, God wants to go deeper with you guys. With you who call yourself His leaders. I got to emphasize this because this is what God is emphasizing to me. You who CALL YOURSELF His leaders.

With those who call themselves His leaders, you must be mindful that “… when someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required” (Luke 12:48). So, let’s not get this confused. Because the blessings of the LORD should never be confused with the things of the world. 

Now, I got to sidetrack for a minute in order to state this disclaimer. God does not have any problem with blessing His servants with material wealth, FOR THE PURPOSE OF ADVANCING HIS KINGDOM. When the increase of our assets and belongings seems to primarily be used to advance our own kingdom, our luxurious taste, and lifestyle. Then there is conflict and often confusion about what truly is the source of your blessing. Because we got to look at something that was said to Jesus at Matthew chapter 4, verses 8 and 9. And this is what Satan the devil said to Jesus the Christ. Satan took Jesus to the peak of a very high mountain. And from that mountain top, Satan shows Jesus everything that was in Satan’s possession that was in the world. And says to Jesus, I can give you any and everything from any kingdom of the world. In fact, I can give you all the kingdoms of this world and everything in them.

The point I want you to get from those two verses is that Satan can give blessings too. Blessings that may appear to be from God but truly are only distractions to keep us complacent and content. Making us feel like we are achieving God’s will when we actually are only fulfilling the lust of our flesh at the expense of others.
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Now, I can tie this point I just made, back into the main point we are making about open wounds. But there is something even deeper God wants to address. 

unhealed openED wounds

Going back to Matthew chapter 3, verses 8 through 10. Let’s pick up where we left off previously. 

“… Don’t just say to each other, ‘We’re safe, for we are descendants of Abraham.’ (Matthew 3:9) 

The Pharisees and Sadducees, professed leaders of God, thought they were “safe” by association. They thought their ties to Abraham were enough to keep them safe and from any destruction that might fall upon mankind. But noticed what John continues to say.

“… That means nothing….” (Matthew 3:9) 

The Pharisees and Sadducees failed to understand that their position and association with Abraham was not enough to guarantee them a rightful place in God’s Kingdom. More was required of them. (Compare to Luke 12:48). Similarly today, too many who call themselves leaders fail to understand that more is required of you than claiming a title for yourself in God’s Kingdom work and being delivered from a single sin such as sexual sins. A leader must become whole – allowing God to properly take them through the wholeness process that leads to your full deliverance from open wounds. For wounds that are left untreated will always cause such traits as hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outburst of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, and envy to dominate sections of God’s Body and Kingdom work. (Compare Galatians 5:18-22). 

​Let me elaborate on an excerpt from my book, Surrendering: A Blueprint Of My Life, from chapter 8, titled, Letting Go Of All Anger, Resentment, And Bitterness. 

When you refuse to let go of your anger, bitterness, or resentment, whether you are conscious of it or not, you are making a choice not to reflect the godly image, which you were created. Instead, you choose to serve and give power, your power of free will, to the god of this world (2 Corinthians 4:4). Remember, no darkness dwells in God (1 John 1:5). Therefore, we must not allow anything dark to dwell within us. This is why it is so critical that we learn to forgive and not hold onto resentment, bitterness, or anger. Daniel 9:9 says, “God is merciful and forgiving.” Mark 11:25 encourages us not to “hold anything against anyone.” Instead, “forgive them.” Why? “So that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins.” He even gives explicit instructions concerning resentment, bitterness, and anger. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV), it says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs….”

Let me repeat that last line. “… It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects….” Let me read that one again. “… It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres.” If that is not enough to convince you, read Ephesians 4:31 which says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

For years, I struggled with this. In my heart, I had convinced myself that these Scriptures could not apply to me regarding those who purposely violated me. There was no way God could expect me to forgive or let go of any anger I rightfully held against my abusers. However, when you read Mark 11:25 and compare that verse in almost all Bible translations, the word any or anyone appears. So, let’s look at the verse again, it says, “if you hold anything against anyone….” Therefore, I had to decide to forgive and let go of all resentment, bitterness, and anger, I had been harboring against certain individuals. Does forgiving and letting go of the hurt mean that my abusers are free from consequences for their wrongdoing? Certainly not! They have to answer to God for their sins. However, by letting go of the negative energy that I had been entertaining, God could freely forgive me and heal me from my emotionally damaged state (Ephesians 4:24). By doing this, God could now exercise rightful judgment on my behalf (Romans 12:17-21; Hebrews 10:30). (Copyright 2015).
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​Now, these were all Scriptures God made we eat first. I had to learn to live and be healed by them before I was able to capture the lesson I had learned to walk out myself into a book for others to benefit from. Remember, too much is given, much is expected (Luke 12:48). I cannot teach what I have not properly walked out myself. But God did not just stop right there. Through writing this book, God showed me time and time again that I had opened wounds. Wounds that I learned to nurse but not for the purpose to add ointment to them in order that they may heal, which would naturally lead to my emotional healing. But instead, by the way, I was living, I was purposely was picking at these wounds and causing more tissue scars – more self-inflicted wounds. Resulting in internal infections that were slowly killing me. There was a silent killer living within me for years because I refused to allow God to properly operate on my opened wounds and provide me the true healing I despairingly needed. And yet, in my mind, I thought I was good, okay, or safe, as John the Baptist called it. (Compare to Matthew 4:9)
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LEADERS WHO WON’T LET GOD HEAL THEIR OPENED WOUNDS

God wants so much to gather His leaders. You know what, let’s just read it from the Scriptures. And I partially quote. “How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings….” (Luke 13:34) Nothing pleases God more than to protect any and everyone that He calls His. But even God sometimes finds Himself in an awkward position. A dilemma. He says in that same verse. “… But you wouldn’t let.”

Some of you, who call yourself leaders. Again, I got to emphasize this because this is what God is emphasizing to me. For those who call themselves leaders – His leaders. Today, this has become your dilemma. Too many of you are operating out of your hurt – your opened wounds. That has resulted in
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• You injuring others that belong to God. Some of these injuries have caused many to lose their faith. In the worst case scenario – lose their lives. And for leaders who do not think it is their responsibility to make their wrongs right are sadly mistaken. (Compare to Matthew 18:6-7). For all sins must be handled in the most sensitive and righteous way. (Compare to Matthew 18:15-19; 2 Timothy 2:24-26). 

Let me close out with this. Whenever we failed to allow God to properly walk us fully through our healing process from all our opened wounds. We take on things that God never called us to or before we are truly ready for them because we are trying to compensate for the internal turmoil we have not fully nor properly dealt with. Trying to fill avoid and painful areas in our life through titles and positions of power and control over people that will make us feel self-important and fulfilled. Although we are failing to gain proper control and healing over our own lives and affairs. As a result, we are triggered, emotionally triggered when either God sends someone our way or someone of more maturity comes along to show us ourselves – the error in our way.

And once upon a time, I was no different. In my situation, God decided to use someone who at the time was more of a seasoned woman of faith than I was. Now, in my defense, which she later admitted, she should have handled my situation differently. But it didn’t matter! God used it. In that situation, it triggered within me a bad and poor response. But it was that situation that brought into the open a trigger reaction from being wounded by someone in the present but I responded from an unhealed wounded place from my past, which actually was what I needed to save my life, my soul. That pastor’s wife bad handling of my situation, got me to see, to really see, I was operating out of a wounded spirit. Which in turn, allowed God to use it to help me to properly heal because now I can see it.

Let me make this a little clearer and close by quoting from my book that I mentioned earlier. This quote comes from chapter 9 of my book, titled, Forgiving Others And Myself. 
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Take my life for instance. Although I had finally jumped a major hurdle in my life, my scars were still deeply rooted. I did not realize how my past experiences had impacted me even today. It influenced how I responded and reacted to every mistreatment or injustice, I encountered in life. Unbeknown to me, I had developed an unforgiving spirit, stemming from the years of abuse I had endured. When anyone caused me harm, I retreated. I placed as much distance as possible between myself and that person. I isolated myself. I reinforced my already impenetrable and invisible walls, as a way to shield myself from additional assaults from that person. In addition to shielding myself from that person, I naturally shut everyone else out. That one person’s unloving reaction triggered a chain reaction, deeply rooted inside of me. It brought out many of my vulnerabilities and insecurities. Immediately, I, unconsciously, labeled that person as untrustworthy, and I sentenced them to a lifetime of banishment. My heart had hardened and became inflexible, unwilling to forgive them for the harm, discomfort, and pain they caused me.

The unforgiving cancer had spread throughout my entire spirit, yet I could not see it. I could not see how my past pain was still influencing my life, more than three decades later. But that incident with the pastor’s wife opened my eyes. Yes, that sister was out of place. I am sure the way she came into the meeting, with her subtle accusations and judgmental spirit, was not of God. For a moment, she behaved not in the spirit, but in her flesh. But, something significant happened at that time, even though I was unaware of it. That sister’s poor reaction to Christ’s redemption of me, despite my past, was the moment that she likely saved my life. I am not excusing her behavior because it was wrong. She did not greet me with the prodigal daughter welcome that Jesus’ taught all his disciples in his parable at Luke 15:11-32. However, the negative emotions she triggered in me, later opened my eyes. If I had persisted along the path of unforgiveness, it would have, eventually, made me a resentful person. That resentment would have turned into bitterness. Ultimately, that bitterness would have turned me away from God’s people and probably away from God, once and for all.

You see, sometimes Satan does not need to entrap you with the most common sins—lying, cheating, stealing, idolatry, adultery, homosexuality, or other sexual offenses. Did you know that an unforgiving spirit could prevent you from inheriting God’s kingdom? Well, God showed this to me after my meeting with the pastor’s wife. He did it through two verses in the Scriptures. First Corinthians 6:9,10…  and… Galatians 5:19-21…. (Copyright 2015).
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For those who continue to call themselves leaders in God’s House but fail to properly deal with their opened wounds that contribute to more disruption. Just remember, too much is given, much is expected (Luke 12:48). You cannot continue to try to fulfill your hurts by (1) spilling your painful experience on the people you claim to serve; (2) avoiding addressing your own wounded issues by avoiding counsel of correction (Hebrews 12:6); (3) by redirecting counsel that is meant for you through means of manipulation which is a form of witchcraft or playing the victim card. Or, one of my favorite that I see far too often. (4) Everyone around needs deliverance from something except for you. For you have already mastered that and everything else. Therefore, you are able to deliver and bless any and everyone from whatever stronghold has a hold over them. And yet, you have not have been fully delivered yourself. This is why the Scriptures encourage us at 2 Corinthians 13:5-10. 

Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith. As you test yourselves, I hope you will recognize that we have not failed the test of apostolic authority. We pray to God that you will not do what is wrong by refusing our correction. I hope we won’t need to demonstrate our authority when we arrive. Do the right thing before we come—even if that makes it look like we have failed to demonstrate our authority. For we cannot oppose the truth, but must always stand for the truth. We are glad to seem weak if it helps show that you are actually strong. We pray that you will become mature. I am writing this to you before I come, hoping that I won’t need to deal severely with you when I do come. For I want to use the authority the Lord has given me to strengthen you, not to tear you down.