Death Was Knocking At My Door

My mom is probably going to kill me if she reads this because of what I’m about to say.

I really had no interest in sharing this. But God placed this heavy on my spirit this morning and I could not shake it no matter how much I was trying to ignore His prompting. I just finally yelled out. “LORD, you want me to share that too!” God knows I really don’t like sharing stuff. But I do so out of love and respect for Him and at His request ONLY. But this morning, I really, really, did not want to do what the LORD was asking until I heard Him say. 
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“Your life is not your own.” (Compare to Jeremiah 10:23; John 5:30).

I did not have a comeback for that one. Like a temperamental child, I just rolled my eyes and said under my breath – “yes LORD.”

Yes, I didn’t like it one bit until I began to write, and the LORD began to speak to me as I was writing. 
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Death was at my door

Except for a few people – myself of course. My doctor. My best friend and ministry partner. And my two children who only knew what I needed them to know. They were not aware of how serious my situation really was. But they knew there were some concerns.

Death was at my door recently. I’m not going to get into the particulars of some of the health issues I have had. But my situation had reached a point that was so bad as far as my lab numbers. That death literally was staring me in my face. I was a prime symbol of the walking dead.

As I stated before, death was literally at my door. My doctors and her staff wanted to admit me into the hospital for some life-saving procedures.  (Which at some point I did refuse after much prayer).

BUT! Nothing in my spirit heighten me to the level where I was concerned on the same level as the medical staff around me. Even though I could not deny what the numbers were saying. Nor could I hide or deny my symptoms and how I was feeling. I literally could feel death at my door.

But, despite what was going on all around me and within me, I was not concerned. I was not afraid of dying. The reason being was because I had finally come to understand the truth behind and about death.

Now, I heard quite a few people say, “You live and then you die.” But that is not true if you live in Christ. That is if you really live in Christ.

Living and then dying is not all there is to life. That is a lie from the pit of hell. Now, let me sidetrack for a moment and say this. Yes, that is all you get out of life – ‘you live and then you die,’ if that’s all you really put into life. If you have failed to really build a relationship with Christ during your life. Yes, you live and then you die, and you really do not experience the life God intended for you because you choose to live for yourself and not for Christ. So then, you live and then you die. Therefore, you only get to experience the temporary things of life as you choose to play life out.

However, when you discover Christ as I have and surrender everything for his name sake, as I have. You live, your body then dies, but you go on and live forever. There is an eternal life that the Church does not properly teach nor talk about enough. So, the massive have come to believe this is all there is to life.

But for those who are in Christ – rooted in our Savior, they know this life and the body we are housed in are temporary. For those who are truly rooted in Christ, there is eternal life. Therefore, I knew where I was going if I died and greeted death with a kiss. And I don’t say that in vain or as a cliché. Because I know the life I am living and those around me know the Spirit that resides in me and the good fruits that I am bearing and have bear.

So, I do not fear death. I embrace and welcome it whenever it comes. For death is a continuation of life – eternal life that many of us do not understand.
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are they ready

My biggest concern when I was facing death about 2 weeks ago was for my children. Are they ready for me to go? Were they at a point in their lives that they can survive and thrive without me in their lives? Especially my granddaughter Talia. I was also concerned for my business/ministry partner. Not that I’m all that special. But could they survive emotionally without me?

This was my only hindrance and hesitation about possibly dying. Otherwise, I was at peace with it all. This is why many that follow me and the content on my social media and blog did not hear me post a single thing about it. Nor did I share my situation with family or friends. (1) I wasn’t really worried. I had concerns but was not fearful or worried. (2) I knew my prayers alone; God would hear them and answer.  I knew my prayers to my Father were not only powerful but worthy of a response because of my position, my authority, and my standing with Christ. (Compare to Matthew 7:13-14). I am in a good place with my LORD. So, I had no worries as far as that was concerned. And I really believe if it were my time, the LORD would have spoken that to me or my ministry partner.

In fact, the day before I really started to feel sick, and the day before I received that horrible telephone call from my doctor – my ministry partner received this word from the LORD.
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“Death is at your door.”

Now, initially, she dismissed it. She thought that was no word from the LORD, but from the devil posing as an angel of light. And so, she immediately rebuked it and called down heaven upon hell concerning that word. Little did she and I knew after she shared it with me later that day, that that word was a warning from the LORD concerning me. We had no clue. We misread the LORD’s warning because we allowed our personal views to cloud a word from the LORD.

Well, the very next day after she received that word. I fell ill. Greatly ill. And then my doctor called me a few hours after I fell ill, which confirmed I had a very serious problem and death was at my door although my ministry partner and I at this point still had not put together 2 and 2. And no. Just in case any of you are trying to guess – IT WAS NOT COVID19. Let’s just say, my own body had decided to turn on itself. And I felt miserable. But despite this, 
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• I still prayed, praised, and worshiped God through it all
• I still conducted whatever Bible studies I had
• I still read my Bible when I had the strength to do so
• I still allowed God to use me to write, blog, and post my ministry content whenever He prompted me to do so

I did not stop living nor did I stop serving God nor did I question or blame God for the sudden turn of events that was taking place in my life. I didn’t allow fear to creep in. Nor did I stop believing that God is good, all-powerful, the great healer, and the universal King of all kings.

I don’t know who needed to hear that. But I have been obedient by sharing what the LORD required of me. Stay tuned because there is much more to come concerning this great testimony. God is good. He really is good.